UK Hosepipe Ban Lifted After Murray Tears

Andy Murray’s outpouring on Wimbledon’s centre court might mark the end of the British Empire Mark II before it was even cleared for take-off. PM Cameron was present, desperate for a feel-good bounce. Minor royals Katie and Pippa were present, underlining the frivoulous nature of the whole thing. Sue Barker and the Beeb were there. Hello magazine was definitely there.

But the BBC were in forgetful mood. They seemed to forget to mention Roger Federer’s track record until the very end, terrified that the Sunday afternoon masses might switch to the Tour de France when they heard that Roger had won it before. And not just once. The bounder.

Then there was that speech.

“We tried (sniff). We pressed on with an out-moded class system (sniff), a monarchy, the pound (sniff). We even still play tennis on grass (sniff). For what? (sniff) To keep losing.”

It seemed strange that he was so cut up. Hadn’t he been watching Euro 2012? The tears and self-analysis were consistent with the perma-furrowed brows of oddly pale footballers, Rooney and Gerard, who seem to switch on the waterworks in the tunnel ten minutes before kick-off.

“We invented the game (sniff). We’ve got the best league (sniff). No one knows how hard we work. It’s like a foreign country out there. He pushed me over. ….. sniff.”

Stiff upper lips ordered for the Olympics. Get your stiff upper lips here.