Eastenders Mockney Nonsense at the Heart of Government

The idea that people convicted of rioting crimes should have to ‘look their victims in the eye’, reminds me of a particularly bad episode of Eastenders, or “London as we remember it”, complete with pork pie hats.

Nick Clegg to unveil ‘riot payback scheme’ as No 10 agrees to inquiry

When Clegg jumps in the jacuzzi with the Daily Mail, maybe he really does believe a spot of old school fisticuffs would sort out those ruffians.

“So I turns round to him and I says, ‘look me in the eye and say that.’”

“And he turns round to me and he looks me in the eye and gorblimey”

“He’s not worf it.”


Eye contact! Of course. It’s what decent people want. Not just another meaningless phrase written by BBC script writers.

But eye contact helps. Look at Joey Barton’s career as international ambassador for peace, as he drags another whinging victim back to his feet, “look me in the eye and tell me I broke your leg”.

Rough justice, Cleggy style. But then that’s Joey Barton, Huyton. And Nick Clegg? He can’t really be that tough can he? Let me have a look. Blimey. The man’s made of steel.

So tune in on Thursday. Fat Boy Cameron gets a fat lip from Cockney hard man Clegg over Theresa, who’s been flirting with the far right in the Queen Vic: “Look me in the eye and say that rioters have a cause! No one gets between me and my bird, and power”: