Call Stephen Hawking I Probably Found a New Element

Moving house encourages such a dangerous vortex that when the right laboratory conditions are met it’s relatively easy to discover a new irreducible universal element. Black holes, red dwarfs, worm holes and cosmic strings lurk in every room. Unmarked boxes become unapproachable. Familiar objects have no home. Even acceleration due to gravity starts to vary. But those are the ones we know about, although no one’s ever seen them, and frankly they only exist in Stephen Hawking’s bonce.

The new element that surfaced through a curve in space time was a black bin bag full of hangers.  There’s still no going near it because the slightest touch causes further tears to snare hooks as though two cosmic strings had combined forcing the policeman of the universe Einstein to sit up and ponder what the fuck is going on. Nothing can go faster than the speed of light except a bunch of coat hangars in a black bin bag.

I’ll deal with that later. What’s bothering me at the moment is that a well known credit card web site has an “update contact information” button that comes back with “This service is temporarily suspended. The service update will take ten minutes” That was two hours ago and it’s still taking ten minutes.  Naming no names, except that it rhymes with “don’t give a hoot” I’m wondering whether they’ve gone bust and as a major debitor I’m laughing all the way to the er bank!