Moving house means moving TV and that is full of problems. I don’t want to keep feathering Murdoch’s millions and outraged that Sky Sports News has rendered the 2005 Tesco’s TV obsolete by going wide screen I’d been trying out the TV signal in the new place. Nothing. But silly me. They switched off that heap of old analogue garbage years ago by throwing a giant shroud over the transmitter and hoping no one would notice. Just a minute. Weren’t digital watches a passing fad?

Desperate to watch Countdown, I’m going to wire up a Tesco’s Freeview TV to see if that works. Other than that, I have a large collection of CDs I haven’t listened to in years.  The great thing about Freeview is the first bit, it’s Free. But I remember Freeview from years ago as a pitiful effort that packed in and now it doesn’t even have Sky Sports news.

To get Freeview you need a Jodrell Bank antenna on the roof. It costs £50 to get the man out to look at the aerial, and another £150 to get the tin foil. I remember putting a roll of tin foil on top of the telly in the 70s but then TV was brilliant and when only 23 million people watched the Goodies, the BBC considered it was a failure and sold it to ITV along with Morecambe and Wise. Now the BBC is full of hairy historians roaming clifftops luring people to their deaths with candy hidden in their knapsacks.

I switched on yesterday and Peculiar Julia Bradbury was jumping off a cliff wearing a deep sea diver’s watch on her hairy arm.  It’s a recurring theme. Countryfile – White Cliffs of Dover. Battle of Britain! White Cliffs of Dover.  Last Night of the Proms. White Cliffs of Dover. Antiques Roadshow from the White Cliffs of Dover. It’s a crazy mind game they’re playing. Oh well, there’s always the Internet.